A Little Help from My Friends
To my friends, family, and all the souls who have left an impression on my heart:
I am going through something and I think that perhaps it’s time I share it with all of you. I’ve prided myself on being a capable DIY’er. I’ve always strived to be a hero who helps others rather than ever be the one who needs help, but I’ve recently come to realize that my self-concept was limiting me. I can’t do everything alone. I need your help.
I guess the first step in asking for help is being open and explaining the situation. So here goes… I was raised in a loving home where my parents demonstrated to me that I could do anything or be anything as long as I set my mind to it, but I grew up in a conservative Texas town and attended a SUPER conservative christian church. I was taught to never question the teachings of a violent, jealous god. That humanity is inherently sinful. That men should be in charge of women. That I shouldn’t be vain or indulge or swear or dance and that I should never want to fit in because being a part of the crowd meant I'd burn in hell for all of eternity with everyone else. I cast myself as an outsider, and I, aside from the impending threat of hell, I was happy. I was a model student and christian (apart from two glaring exceptions). I loved embodying feminine ideals and I was attracted to boys. Imagine 3 year old me imitating Dorothy clicking her heals in ruby red slippers I knew I could never own or Snowwhite waking up after a kiss from a prince I would never meet. These fantasies were a oneway ticket to eternal torment. I knew this before I even started kindergarten, so I lied and hid from everyone (including myself) up until I fell in love with my first boyfriend right after high school. That love opened my eyes to the hypocrisies of my upbringing. The preconceived notions I’d always assumed to be true didn’t add up with this new reality that I was opening myself up to. To believe in love, I suddenly I had to question EVERYTHING I believed in. I didn’t know who I was anymore and, as such, began to question if my friends and family and coworkers could love me after I’d been lying to them my whole life. It was scary and hard and heartbreaking and as a result I lost contact with nearly everyone in my life. Eventually, I no longer saw myself as infected by some homosexual sin, but I saw myself as an innocent soul being deceived and held down by fearful patriarchal interpretations of law and religion. As a white male, I realize it was a privilege that I was given the peace and time to work through all of that, so I feel it is my duty to help others break free of their socially constructed chains. I left Texas in search of a city where I could put on those ruby slippers and skip down the street holding hands with my prince without fear of violence against us.
I say that not to get sympathy, but to explain how those trials made me realize that each of us is brought up in our own realities where truths are handed to us from parents, teachers, preachers, and peers. Back in medieval times, if you were raised on a farm as a serf, you were told that your family worked the kings land and paid your tides in exchange for protection against other waring kingdoms. It was a narrative to keep the serfs in line. In present day America, we are taught how the colonists used their guns to break free of British rule, so we think we need guns because when government acts up, our guns will protect us from their tyranny. But, is that reality or is it something we’re taught to pacify us and to give us a false sense of security that we still have the power when, in all actuality, the government is allowing big corporations to horde the wealth that should be distributed to the American people? We’re being fed news that it’s the Democrats or the Republicans who are the enemy, but I see a truth that we’re all victims of a system meant to divide us and keep us all oppressed. When you see a friend, family member, or casual acquaintance spouting something that is so horrifically opposed to what you believe, realize that they are NOT wrong. The reality that they were born into is just different than yours. We must look through the disagreements and find the common truth or we’ll be trapped in this life of serfdom under the rule of the super wealthy 1% who are pulling the strings of the governments around the world.
I said I needed help, and here’s why. I’ve professionally worked with children for the last 18 years of my life. Through my students I learned that my primary purposes in life is to educate, not by curriculum, but by being a loving, caring influence and sharing my experiences. I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a dream of expanding my circle of influence and help more kids see the world as as an open accessible and loving place through my storytelling.
Now, 10 years after I moved to Los Angeles, I live a life where I feel as though I can literally do anything, but find that my circle of influence is not much larger than when living in Texas. Last month in an attempt to leave this oppressive capitalist system behind, I left my coaching job in hopes of sharing content to help the youth of today break free from the serfdom their parents were born into. This is my first time not having a steady income since high school, and I’m putting my faith in the Universe that everything will turn out alright. I have so many beneficial stories to share, but I need help getting those stories to our children. If you are at all interested in collaborating, I have a number of ideas, screenplays, and show concepts on my website www.sambrowningart.com that are ready to go into production. If any one of them sparks something in you, please let me know which one you’d most like to see get produced. Whether you’re an artist, a musician, a producer, a concerned mother, or even just someone who knows someone who wants to be a part of making solutions, please contact me and let's make art that helps change the world for the better. Donald Trump is not a demon anymore than Joe Biden is a white knight coming to save us. WE have to save ourselves and we MUST do it together. If anything in this letter rings true for you, please share it and let’s find ways work together to heal, educate, and uplift.
Thank you for your time. I wish you love and abundance, and know that as one of us rises, so do we all.
In earnest love,
Samuel Lee Browning
samuelleebrowning@gmail.com
